Friendships in Limbo

So recently, a good friend shared a blog with me that was centered around finding friendships post marriage and move (to new city). It was very well written and talked about how difficult it is to find enduring friendships in adulthood.

I know it is wrong, but I could not help but be absolutely pleased at this discovery. The reason was that for the past year I have faced the same ups and downs. I have done the mingling with new girls, I have made it to events where the only talk was small and I have tried to be open to new ‘experiences’. But, I would be lying if I said I enjoyed it. I was incessantly uncomfortable and came home feeling a bit let down. The women I met were great. But did I foresee a future of us sitting and giggling until our stomachs hurt over some latte? Nope. And then I got mad. I was angry at myself because I could not lift myself off the sofa to go to these events. I got mad because after a good 12 minutes, I would run out of things to discuss and the conversation would enter an abyss of silence. Mostly, I was mad because I kept thinking as to what was so wrong with me that I could not make bonds as easily as I could up to 3 years ago.

But then I thought long and hard. And I realized my life and my priorities had changed quite a bit in the past year. I had moved to a completely new country. I was now married. I had a home to look after. And I had less time to myself. This did not help ease the urge I feel to sometimes step out and be like I was 3 years ago, carefree and loud. But it does help rationalize the need to calm it.

It is a difficult place to be. This stepping into adulthood. But its not bad. You begin to value the friends you have. And especially the ones who have been around for a while. You begin to cherish the moments you spend with them (no matter how short they may be). You begin to look forward to Skype sessions with them, catching up, giggling like teenagers and exchanging notes. And this helps ease the need to have a posse of girlfriends physically around you.

I have met some fantastic women here now. I can’t say its not frustrating when you want to reach out and have a girls’ slumber party and all your ‘girls’ are in different parts of the world (Like literally all corners). But it gets better. You just have to open your heart a bit and your mind a lot.



2 thoughts on “Friendships in Limbo

  1. you have verbalized the thoughts and fears and self assurances all of us feel (or realize that at some point we will feel) so beautifully in words. as teenagers…we don’t quite realize why everyone always says.. “oh those were the days”… don’t we all want to grow up, get married, move to an exotic new place… and once we’re there we miss everything and everyone we left behind… usually a little more than we expected. i agree that it is then that we understand that with a little bit of management (and a whole lot of prioritizing!) we can have it all… the new life… the beautiful home… the challenging work… and the people we love. kudos to you for reaching that point.. or struggling to do so.. and i hope that we can all follow suit. much love.

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