It was in and then it wasn’t. She was in it a 100% and then it went down to 50. She was glowing with the feeling of being ‘all in’ and then she wasn’t. She thought this was it and then it wasn’t. She looked around and saw so many walking by, with both feet firmly planted in their choices, in their passions. Their minds filled with thoughts of just the one thing they had committed to. But her’s was filled with many thoughts. Conflicting, complementing, jarring, serene. The neurones were holding hands and then they were at war. It was a sparkling thunderstorm in her mind and then she was one foot out the door. When she had walked in so many months ago, she had felt that this answered all her questions. But then it didn’t. She had been so excited at the prospect of belonging to this one mission and then her mind it changed, just like it always did. And then she had shyly placed her foot out the door. She didn’t want to. But it’s like her left leg had a mind of it’s own, and had coyly made it’s way to outside, so now once again, she was hanging. In limbo. Floating in space, not knowing where she would land, wanting to take control of the gears but finding herself floundering for autonomy.