When I logged on here, there was a prompt reminding me that I had not written a post for the past 3 months. And it gave me a bit of a jolt. Just 3 months? Feels like a lifetime. That’s because in one day, my life changed completely and suddenly I am a mother. I have been entrusted with the care of another person. And with that, everything else went on the back burner. But my over thinking mind did not go on vacation. If anything, this great responsibility brought about some eye-opening realizations that I thought I would share, because of course, this is and will always be my sounding board. I remain forever in the hope that each post can strike familiarity in at least one reader.
1. When they say it’s a life changing event, they forget to tell you it’s a YOU-changing event.
I have always been very ‘khur-dimagh‘ to say the least. If something used to displease my I instantly revolted against it. I would struggle to change it, even when I couldn’t, spending nights worrying as to how such a situation had come into being. A situation I couldn’t control. But then she came along and suddenly I realized, so much was OUT of my control. That sometimes doing your best is all you can do. She will wake up whenever she wants, however she wants and making as much noise as she wants. And suddenly I realized, I was ok with not knowing how to manage everything. I was ok with the unknown as long as she flashes me a smile every now and then.
2. The life you knew will never exist again
In some form or the other, my life has always followed a similar trend. The ups and downs are predictable in their unpredictability and my reactions are usually the same. The fights and the struggles I’ve had have been familiar. Some friendships have been consistent and some tumultuous. It was all very well known and accepted. I felt like I knew who I was. But then, suddenly I realized that life has changed. Relationships changed, my reactions towards them changed (more on the next point), even the minor habits and practices changed. I couldn’t linger for hours in the bathroom, I couldn’t entertain infinite shower thoughts, wasn’t able to watch a show ad nauseum until it ended or even just step out on a whim. Now everything had to be planned, keeping in mind her needs and moods. It became a joint decision as compared to a selfish one. And it felt good. Or rather it feels good. The whimsical ways may have been cast aside, but a well-thoughtout path was now being paved. You’ll have to rush your showers and say no to so many friends but the reason has such gorgeous glimmering eyes that you won’t even think twice.
3. People drift away faster than Pi from that sinking ship
Like I mentioned, life changed and circumstances really changed. In turn, I changed and am still evolving into a person that best fits the role I’ve been blessed with. And not everyone you know can walk alongside this path with you. After all, goals and destinations are so varied now. So you move on and they move on. Even the casual get-togethers that were so enjoyable became a luxury for me, whereas they remained a norm for others. The drift is quick and the shock is inevitable but it takes a few days for rationality to sink in and to realize that in the end, people do what is most comfortable for them. Some will be beside you as you figure out this new person you’re becoming and learn to manage your new responsibility. And some will respectfully bow out of your life because their path is so very different from yours. And some, the saviors, will be holding your hand throughout your metamorphosis, encouraging you and telling you even when you think you’ve failed, that tomorrow is another day and you’re giving it your everything.
4. You’ll think you’re doing it ALL wrong
And that’s what makes it right. This challenge you’ve been given is so important, you’ll question yourself at every step. I did. And I do. It’s like playing with play-doh. One bad thumbprint can taint your creation. But the beauty is, that the effort you’re making is what matters. It’s about giving it your best. Your whole heart. It’s about setting aside all doubts you may have had, because this little person doesn’t deserve your doubts and insecurity. They deserve your bravery and your happiness. And all of your self-forgiveness.
5. People will give unsolicited advice/opinions
Suddenly everyone has an opinion. You think you may be doing something right but OH NO…that is a total no no for someone else. And you find yourself floundering like a slingshot springing back. Did I do it wrong? They probably are right, aren’t they? Have I messed up? You find yourself on the defensive, trying to justify actions you took thinking you were doing the right thing. Everyone also has advice. ‘Oh I would have done it like that…’ Hear it, appreciate it, ponder it, consider it and then do whatever you think makes sense. You’ll never get it all right. But the beauty is when you learn along the way and discover the parent you were meant to be.
That pretty much sums up a bit of what these 3 months have been like. So Mr. Prompt, I hope I’ve done justice to my 3 months of absence. I look forward to resuming my daily rants, vents and musings. So keep reading:)