I sit here, in front of my computer, with various projects running through my brain. I can’t sit still. I want to write more. I want to paint. I want to do yoga. At the same time I want to clean my house, spend more time with my daughter and do some laundry. Oh and I want to travel as well. Take a short break every now and then, get up and just fly away.
I want to be deemed worthy of my skill set. I want someone to pat me on my back telling me I’ve done a good job. I want to sigh with relief when the day is done and curl up into bed, satisfied that I have it my all. I want to read more to my daughter. I want to teach her that a woman can do it all. I want her to see me as the one person she can always look up to. My thoughts are hurried and my goals are many.
Is this a crisis? What is going on? Why do I feel so torn in so many different ways? Why am I unable to fit into one day all that I want to accomplish? Why am I always feeling like I’m missing out on something or the other?
I think the answer dawned on me a few months ago. It’s because I want to have it all. I want to be the corporate go-getter and I want to be the attentive put-together mom. I want to be fit as a fiddle and I want to travel 4 countries every year. I want to (finally) finish my novel but I want to share my kids’ every moment. It’s a lot isn’t it? Yes it is. And this is the reason that many women in our day and age feel so much angst. They want to be good moms, but they’ve been trained to be working women. They struggle to stay home with a newborn yet cannot find another day. They want to attend cardio at 6 a.m. but struggle to wake up after nursing all night.
So where do women like us go? I say, we should go inside our minds and our hearts first. We should remove the weight of peer and societal pressure from our shoulders and throw it into that diaper genie. Twist away the negativity really hard so it stops bothering you. We should realise that this angst we feel is NORMAL. And we should allow ourselves to feel torn, because that’s who we are. We are not one type. We can be every type. We don’t need perfection in every role. We need contentment. And that’s what we need to find. The courage to accept ourselves as constantly striving to fulfil the roles thrust upon us and to have the strength to let go of the passions we cannot manage right now. We need to tell our struggling selves that every phase in life is unique and can teach us something new.
You want to be a yogi? You want to work? You want to read more? You want to sit on that see-saw with your daughter? You can do it all. Just not together. In its own time. You can be it all, but slowly. But you can feel contentment because that’s the only aspect we can control. How we feel. And you know what else? I’ll tell you what I tell myself everyday. You are allowed to feel however torn you feel. Because we all do. If not today, then tomorrow or someday. But trust me, we all do.
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