Here’s to you, my firstborn

If you know me, you know that the title ‘Mom’ isn’t something that I, or the people close to me, ever attributed to me. I was never the ‘maternal type’ (if that is a real thing anyway) and I never cooed and aaa-ed over babies. But then L happened and of course, you fall down this strange and fantastic rabbit hole called motherhood, counting your blessing all through your journey. You learn as you go, making a ton of mistakes, fighting back tons of tears, staying awake for hundreds of nights, complaining yet knowing that deep down, you’re strangely happy that you’ve got this amazing creature to call your own. But then suddenly, you’re expecting again. And you’re like how did time fly by so fast! Here I was wrapping my head around one, and now I’ll be blessed with two! So you prepare yourself but you also look a bit guiltily at your little one, who still seems so small, but is about to become a ‘big sister.’ (How can something so tiny be ‘big!’) You overcompensate, you worry, you try to make her do a hundred activities because you feel she’s missing out. You push yourself and the extra 30 pounds you’re carrying to just make sure she never feels the awful word: neglected. But as the days pass and your energy levels rapidly let you down, you start to feel a sense of frustration. You want to still be there for her, but you can’t change the fact that your attention and your energies are about to be split. But then you marvel at the person you’ve become in the past two years. And how nothing, absolutely nothing can change the fact that for me, little L is the one that changed me, and lead me onto this journey. That no matter what, she will be my first ‘teacher’ so to say. So as I sit now, a mere 3 days from my delivery, there are a few things I would want to say to L, which someday maybe she can read and enjoy.

  1. I’m going to miss it just being you and me. But I’m sure we’re going to have lots of fun playing with our new little toy.
  2. I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made with you, but I was just learning. So thank you for being my little experiment and I hope I did an Ok job.
  3. I hope you’ll understand that I may have been tired but I swear I wanted to play more and do more and once I can, I will.
  4. You’re the one who’s taught me to multi-task. To appreciate downtime. To notice the little things. And, you’ve taught me patience (the little one should thank you for that!).
  5. You’ve also taught me to let the little issues go. Life’s too short for obsessing over stupid stuff.
  6. Most of all, you taught me how to be a mom.

So no matter how busy we’ll all get and how crazy life is about to get, I know it’s going to be fun. So thank you my firstborn, for teaching me all you did, and I hope I’ll be blessed once again with someone as feisty, as loving, as intelligent and as strong as you.

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3 thoughts on “Here’s to you, my firstborn

  1. So beautifully written Sarah and oh so true. L is one lucky little lady to have you as her mommy and your new little ‘toy’ will be just as fortunate – possibly even more so as they will also have L as their wonderful ‘big’ sister. I have no doubt you will continue to be amazing with Bub number two as you have been with L. Three days to go!!! xxx

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